CUNAE 2006 Renewal Conference

I do believe in miracles

Wow... Looking back at this weekend, I do not know where to start.

Friday morning, I had to take my dad to the hospital for an exam. He had a CAT scan done and we found two lumps in his left lung. Two years ago, he had lung cancer so I was worried that it might be cancer again. By noon, the exam was done, and the doctor came out and told me it is cancer. Looking at his history, he wasn't sure if my dad would be able to have another surgery. He said we would need to do more test and wait for exact result of the biopsy. My mind went blank and I was speechless. I waited in the waiting room for my dad to wake. As I was sitting there waiting by myself, I started to tear. I didn't want to cry but I couldn't stop myself from tearing. The nurse said I could go inside to see my dad. When I went in, he was lying in bed so helplessly and he was asleep. I felt my heart being torn. I was angry with my dad for not taking care of himself but at the same time, I felt so sorry for him thinking about all the pain and suffering that he will have to go through because of this cancer. Then I got scare thinking about what our family will have to go through remembering the past when he had his other two cancers. Finally we got out of the hospital and came home. I told my mom the news and I told her not to worry because it will be okay. We went through it before and we will be okay. But in my heart, I was very scared.

Now it was time to go to conference. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to go but it was too late to say I couldn't go so I got my stuff and left the house. I prayed that I could stay strong and not make everyone worry. When I got there and met 준영학사님, he asked me what was wrong. I tried to say "nothing" but I busted in tears. I told him what happened and he prayed for me. I know he prayed for me a lot over the weekend and I thank him so much. I also prayed that God gives me the strength to carry this cross. Whatever is requiring of me, I knew I could do it as long as He is by my side.

Saturday was tough. I couldn't focus and I kept on spacing out and I couldn't keep up on the projector. I felt really bad not being able to focus. Then we had the Saturday night meeting. I also felt very responsible for the result that we created because I was focused on my pain and suffering and I didn't see what was going on. I wasn't alert. When Jesus carried His cross, on his way to death, he was still worried about His people. He was not thinking about himself, his pain, his suffering, and his death; but he was worried about us and asked GOD for our forgiveness for putting him on that cross.

When I prayed with praise team and shared the message "We need to trust in God. It is not through our power but through His power that He will show His glory," I knew I needed to trust God. I knew God will lead me and He will provide all I need to get through this. I felt more peaceful and I realized I needed to think about God and what I am there for. Worrying about what will happen and being sad and depressed were my temptation drawing me away from God. I knew I needed to overcome this temptation through prayers.

On Sunday, I prayed that I do a better job at projector and not to space out. I wanted to focus out instead of being focused on my pain and my suffering. I need to be there for the team and I needed to think about the team. Sunday, I felt lighter and I felt peaceful and more alert. I knew God was present in my heart. Through out the day, it was constant struggle remembering Jesus and His cross. Then came the healing service. I asked for serenity. I asked God to give me what He thinks I needed because I didn't know where to start. I knew it didn't matter what I needed because I knew God knows better than I do. Then I felt falling back. I was crying really hard. I felt something being splashed and I knew it was holy water. I found myself screaming even louder. I wanted to stop. I was so scared. I wanted to stop but I couldn't. I felt something being pressed on me and I screamed even harder. I cried and cried. Everything that was in my heart was being washed away. All the pain, all the struggles that was built up in my heart, it was being washed away. While later, I became conscience and I felt very weak but I felt very very peaceful. I felt very light hearted and I was able to smile. No worries, no fear. I felt God's Love. Then I knew what it means to see GOD in EVERYTHING. I still can't explain the experience but I know God did whatever he thought it was best for me.

Next week I got a call back and doctor told me that the first biopsy tested negative. Right then, I knew it is God's grace. Doctor still said we have to see on the second biopsy so it is not over yet but I have no fear of whatever the result may be, I know God will be with me. My dad will still have to get many test and eventually have a surgery no matter cancer or not, but I know that he will be okay and that our family will be okay. As long as I can find GOD in Everything, I know everything will be okay.

PRAISE and GLORY to you LORD!!!!!

By 2006 Conference Service Team Member.

She wanted her name to be withheld